What to Do If Your Child Hates School
September is here and with that comes crisp mornings, beautiful colours, cozy sweaters, warm drinks, and… Back To School. For some kids, this is a welcome change. They look forward to seeing their friends, thrive on the structure and predictability of routine, and enjoy the learning environment. This isn’t the case for every child. Some children hate school. The thought of school fills them with dread and anxiety. It’s distressing to hear your child say, “I hate school”, and it can be hard to send them every day to a place where they feel terrible. If this is the case in your household, know that you are not alone; many children go through periods where they struggle with school for various reasons. Understanding the root cause of your child’s feelings and taking proactive steps can make a significant difference in their experience.
Here are a few steps you can take:
- Listen and Validate Their Feelings
The first step in addressing your child’s dislike for school is to listen. Create a safe space for them to express their feelings without judgment. Ask open-ended questions like, “What makes you feel that way?” or “Can you tell me more about what’s going on at school?” Avoid jumping to conclusions or offering immediate solutions. Instead, focus on validating their emotions by acknowledging their feelings. Phrases like, “That sounds really tough” or “I understand why you’re feeling this way” can go a long way in making them feel heard.
- Identify the Underlying Issues
Once your child has opened up, try to identify the underlying cause of their dislike for school. Common reasons might include:
- Academic Struggles: Difficulty with a particular subject or overall workload.
- Social Challenges: Problems with peers, such as bullying, feeling left out, or trouble making friends.
- Anxiety or Stress: Pressure from tests, performance expectations, or fear of failure.
- Disengagement: Boredom or feeling that the material is not relevant or interesting.
- Physical Discomfort: Issues like not getting enough sleep, hunger, or even an undiagnosed health condition.
Understanding the root cause will help you tailor your approach to support your child effectively.
- Work with the School
Once you have a better understanding of what’s troubling your child, it’s important to communicate with their teachers and support staff. Schedule a meeting to discuss your concerns and gather more information. Teachers can provide insights into your child’s behavior, performance, and interactions with peers. Collaborating with the school can lead to practical solutions, such as academic support, social skills groups, or adjustments to their learning environment.
- Develop a Plan Together
Involve your child in creating a plan to address their concerns. Empowering them to be part of the solution can increase their sense of control and motivation. Depending on the issue, your plan might include:
- Setting Realistic Goals: Break down larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps.
- Building Coping Skills: Teach relaxation techniques, positive self-talk, or problem-solving skills.
- Encouraging Extracurricular Activities: Help them find activities they enjoy outside of academics to boost confidence and social connections.
- Creating a Support System: Ensure they know they can come to you, a teacher, or a counselor if they need help.
- Monitor Progress and Be Patient
Change won’t happen overnight. Keep an open line of communication with your child and regularly check in on how they’re feeling about school. Celebrate small victories and be patient with setbacks. It’s also important to be flexible—if one approach isn’t working, be willing to try something different.
- Help them with their mindset
Kids that dislike school often spend their hours outside of school thinking about school and dreading the next time they need to go. This can lead to sleepless nights, evenings spent worrying, and weekends that are overshadowed by the knowledge that when the weekend is over, they need to return to school. It’s easy to get stuck in a negative thought spiral, which ruins a child’s time away from school and makes it hard for them to ever relax or enjoy themselves. Help your child break away from this negative spiral by teaching them self-talk to counter the negative thinking and help them be present in the moment. Ways to help with this include:
- Let them be part of planning evenings and weekends. Let them choose activities they can look forward to, so they know at the end of the week, they have something fun coming up.
- Help them come up with statements that they believe that will counter some of the negative thinking. For example, ‘school is only one part of my day’; ‘I can do hard things’; ‘I have people to support me and make the day better’.
- Help them focus on the things about school that are not so bad, instead of focusing on what they hate. Maybe they love seeing their friends, or gym class, or recess.
- Practice being mindful in the activities they are engaged in outside of school.
- Consider Professional Help
If your child’s dislike for school persists despite your efforts, or if they show signs of severe anxiety, depression, or behavioral issues, it may be helpful to seek the support of a mental health professional. A psychologist can work with your child to develop coping strategies, build resilience, and address any underlying emotional or psychological issues.
- Model a Positive Attitude
Children often pick up on their parents’ attitudes and beliefs. While it’s important to validate your child’s feelings, try to model a positive attitude towards school and learning. Share your own experiences, emphasizing the importance of education and the value of perseverance.
Conclusion
It’s normal for children to experience ups and downs with school. As a parent, your role is to support, guide, and advocate for them during these challenging times. By listening to your child, working with the school, and being proactive in finding solutions, you can help them navigate their struggles and ultimately foster a more positive school experience. Remember, you’re not in this alone, and with patience and persistence, you can help your child rediscover the joys of learning.